


All I do is sit and think about you

by echospider



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hair Washing, M/M, Sharing a Bed, it was actually..... relaxing to write this lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-18 08:29:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21541366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/echospider/pseuds/echospider
Summary: If I knew what you'd do.It's not living if it's not with you.--Mark's crush on his roommate, Donghyuck, is getting him more down in the dumps than ever before. Maybe Donghyuck's offer to wash his hair for him is exactly what he needs.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 13
Kudos: 248





	All I do is sit and think about you

A sigh escapes Mark's lips as he flops down onto his bed, using his phone to turn up the music on his Bluetooth speaker. Having a hard day at college is one thing: today, he embarrassed himself in front of his classmates by being woefully unprepared for a seminar (people actually do the reading?), as well as being reminded of three impending deadlines, none of which he had even thought of starting yet, and he returned home after a truly useless library session, in which he tried to organize his notes as well as his thoughts, but to no avail. 

Yes, it is one thing to have a hard day at college, but it's a whole other thing to come home and have to walk on eggshells around your roommate. Not that Mark doesn't like his roommate. Mark likes Donghyuck, and that is exactly his problem. 

Mark _really_ likes Donghyuck. 

* * *

It had started in freshman year. Mark and Donghyuck were assigned to be roommates in their dorm, and they were fine as friends. They certainly bickered a lot, and towards the end of the second semester, Mark began to nitpick at Donghyuck's habits even more than usual. It had started with things that were actual problems, like the fact that Donghyuck would often leave empty mugs and plates around the room for a little too long. But then, it grew into Mark telling Donghyuck that his typing was too loud, that his phone was too bright in the middle of the night, that his neon post-it notes on the walls were starting to hurt Mark's eyes. 

Mark already felt guilty for his nitpicking, because he knew it didn't matter. Mark didn't have any problem with Donghyuck at all, but that didn't stop him from trying to find one, to soothe the rapid speed of his heartbeat every time he watched Donghyuck do, well, anything. However, it backfired, because every time Mark said something, Donghyuck would talk back. He would tell Mark that his complaints were absurd, that he should grow up. But still, every time, Donghyuck would change his ways for Mark. He put away his mechanical keyboard when Mark was at the dorm, he turned his phone brightness all the way down at night, he bought pastel post-its and rewrote all of his notes to replace the neons. Donghyuck did his best to cohabit comfortably, silently holding out an olive branch every time Mark had something to say to him. It killed him to do it, and it made his heart swell with a mixture of guilt and compassion, but Mark would take the branch every time. 

Falling in love with your roommate is bad news, Mark thinks, and though he has never thought to describe his little (big) crush on Donghyuck with the L-word, he knows that if he is not careful with his heart and his mind, he will be completely consumed by love, and, consequently, dread. 

It really is easy to fall in love with Donghyuck. To begin with, he is gorgeous. His skin is golden and his hair has been dyed a sandy blonde color. His face is round and his features are soft. Mark often thinks about how he wants to leave gentle kisses all over him, how Hyuck would smile bashfully, how Mark would want to kiss him again. Hyuck is positively radiant, but Mark finds that it really is just nice having him around. He always asks Mark how his day has been, he makes stupid jokes about Mark's clothes and taste in music, but he'll always compliment him after the fact so that Mark knows he's just joking. Sometimes, Mark would wake up early, pull back the curtains in their shared room, and crawl back into bed to watch the sunrise slowly color Donghyuck's features from across the room. Mark cherished these mornings where he didn't have to worry about the consequences of falling in unrequited love with your roommate. He could stay in bed, stewing in his adoration for the starry-eyed, sharp-tongued boy across the room. Mark knew he wasn't doing himself any favors, but he could not help but indulge himself in his feelings. He was falling, and he knew it, and a part of him didn't want to do anything about it. Still, it drove him crazy. Mark had started to plan on moving out of the dorm when he realized that as long as he was in close proximity to Donghyuck, he was always going to have feelings for him. 

"You don't want to live with me anymore?" Donghyuck had said to Mark when he found out Mark had been searching for affordable apartments. 

"It's not that I don't want to live with you," Mark explained, "it's that I don't want to live in a dorm anymore." 

"You don't want to live in a dorm with me," Donghyuck sighed. 

"No, Hyuck, I like having you as a roommate." 

"Then I might as well come with you," Hyuck's tone was stern. "You're never going to find a one-bedroom apartment you can afford, and you might as well live with someone you know you can get along with." His reasoning was logical but irritating. 

"Fine," Mark's heart answered before his head could. "Yeah, fine, I'll look for two bedrooms. You should look, too." 

Mark was mentally kicking himself for giving in so easily. But he knew Hyuck was right, and a part of Mark really didn't want to put an end to the good times he had living with Donghyuck. Maybe he could still live with Hyuck, he thought, maybe all he needed was a few more walls between them. 

This had not worked the way Mark planned. 

The walls made things much worse. 

These days, Mark eats breakfast and wonders when Donghyuck will wake up. Mark most often sits in the living room, quietly wishing that Hyuck will appear to spend some time with him. Mark walks into the bathroom and the floor is still wet, and his face turns red as it dawns on him that Hyuck was _just_ in here, taking a _shower._ Mark finds himself thinking about Donghyuck constantly, wanting to be close to him 24/7, despite drywall being the only thing separating the two. 

The walls have also made Donghyuck much more tactile towards Mark. Mark will be typing up an essay on the couch, and Donghyuck will wander into the room, slumping down next to him. With his head on Mark's shoulder, he intently watches Mark typing his essay, and says nothing. Mark won't say a word; he fears questioning Hyuck will drive him away, and Mark will shamelessly take any contact Hyuck wants to give him. He knows he shouldn't. He knows it all means so much more to him than it ever could to Donghyuck. Mark loves it, but his heart only breaks more at the end of the day. 

* * *

Mark basks in his lovesick misery while listening to the most emotional acoustic pop ballads, shuffling through a playlist simply labeled ":/". His stressful thoughts clear from his head when his phone buzzes next to him. They begin to cloud his mind once more when he sees the notification; a text from Hyuck. 

**[19:23] ☀️:** u ok   
**[19:23] ☀️:** can u turn down the jason mraz plz i'm in a game 

Mark sighs and types a response. 

**[19:24] Mark:** this is john mayer   
**[19:24] ☀️:** same guy   
**[19:24] Mark:** they're not the same guy :/ 

Mark turns down the music a little, and he starts to crave another message from Hyuck. 

**[19:27] Mark:** if ur in a game why are u texting me haha lol 

He waits and ponders the work he has to complete. Then he ponders the text he sent. He put "haha" and "lol" in the same text. He should have only picked one of them. He feels like a tool. He lays motionless on his bed for what feels like forever, until he receives another text from Donghyuck. 

**[19:45] ☀️:** why do u think it took me twenty minutes to reply to this. dumbass 

Mark couldn't stand the fact that he secretly liked it when Donghyuck insulted him. 

He didn't reply to the text. He just let it sit there for a while, and let his playlist roll on. Until there was a knock on Mark's door. 

"Yeah?" Just as quickly as Mark can sit up, the door swings open, revealing a messy-haired Hyuck in a white t-shirt and comfortable black sweatpants. 

"Don't leave me on 'read', asshole," Hyuck says as he sits next to Mark on the bed and playfully shoves Mark down. Mark laughs loudly, knowing he has gotten a rise out of Donghyuck, and Hyuck smiles at the cheerful noise. Mark sits back up and pushes Hyuck back. "What's wrong with you?" Hyuck asks. 

"What do you mean? I'm fine." Mark smiles. 

"I know you're lying," Hyuck speaks in an annoyed but exaggerated tone, "I know you're sad because I only ever hear those sappy songs when you play them on your guitar, but you're blasting them on your phone. You came through my mic on TeamSpeak, everyone was making fun of me for _your_ music." He shoves Mark again, but this time Mark stays laying down. 

Mark sighs and turns over, burying his face into his pillow. "I'm just really stressed out." 

Donghyuck bites his lip and stares at Mark. Mark feels the bed shift as Hyuck lays down next to him, trying to face him. "What has you so stressed?" He asks softly, knowing that Mark has never been so debilitated by things that simply stress him out on a day to day basis. Mark's too ambitious for that. He places a hand on the nape of Mark's neck, his thumb rubbing circles behind one of Mark's ears. 

Mark turns his head to look up at Donghyuck but immediately buries his face in the pillow again after seeing Hyuck's beautiful wide eyes staring back at him intently. Mark can feel himself blushing. 

"I have three assignments to do. I have so many chapters to read. It doesn't sound like a lot... but it feels like..." Mark feels brave enough to lift his head to look at Donghyuck. "Like... It feels like the world is getting smaller around me. Like I don't have room to breathe." 

Donghyuck removes his hand from Mark's head, and leans back, pouting. Mark looks up at him, shamelessly thinking about kissing Hyuck's lips until Hyuck speaks once more. 

"Let me wash your hair." Hyuck smiles. 

Mark laughs nervously in disbelief. "What?" He grins, hoping his laughter says _"That's ridiculous,"_ and not _"Please."_

"Let me wash your hair," Donghyuck says the same thing again, slower this time. "Mom used to always wash my hair when I got upset or scared. It's very relaxing." Hyuck shrugs as though he is not confident in what he says, though he sounds very matter-of-fact.

"Um," Mark still chuckles through his words. "Sure, you can wash my hair, I guess." Mark sounds nervous on purpose, but he supposes if Donghyuck insists, then it's okay for him to wash his hair. 

The brightest, cheesiest smile Mark has ever seen immediately spreads onto Donghyuck's face. Mark would say yes to anything Hyuck wanted if it meant he got to see that smile. Donghyuck shoots up and walks out of the room. "Let's go," he says, as Mark lifts himself off the bed to follow him. 

* * *

In the bathroom, Donghyuck takes the showerhead from the wall and turns it on. Mark watches intently as Hyuck holds a palm in front of it to feel the temperature of the water heating up. 

"Take off your shirt." Donghyuck nods at Mark. 

"What?!" Mark is stunned at Hyuck's request. 

"Your shirt's gonna get wet. If you don't take it off, you'll be uncomfortable." 

Mark turns his back to Donghyuck as he lifts his black t-shirt over his head. It's not the first time Hyuck has seen Mark shirtless, but it's never been a regular thing, and it's never been something Donghyuck has asked for, or expected. Once again, Mark finds himself agitated and worked up over Donghyuck's irritatingly sound reasoning. Mark drops his shirt on the floor and turns back around, arms folded. 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. "Shut up," he groans. 

"I didn't even say anything!" Mark retorts. 

"You're acting all bashful when, one, you know you have a good body, and two, I literally do not care about seeing you without a shirt on. Get comfortable." Hyuck points to the floor next to the bathtub. 

Mark sits on the floor in front of the bathtub, the showerhead above it. The space in the bathroom is too small for Mark to stretch out, so he sits with his legs crossed, his hands clasped together between them, to stop himself from fidgeting. Mark leans his neck backward over the bathtub, and exhales deeply, closing his eyes. The sound of the water hitting the tub was enough to relax him, and he felt himself becoming less tense as he settled against the tub. And then, a small sense of panic set in as he felt Donghyuck sit on the edge of the tub, and Mark remembers just how vulnerable he feels. Mark flinches as Hyuck guides the warm water over his scalp. 

"Tell me if it's too hot," Donghyuck hums as he wets Mark's hair. 

"It's fine," Mark murmurs in response. He keeps his eyes closed as Donghyuck focuses on his jet black hair, one hand holding the showerhead, the other massaging the back of his head. 

The two sit in silence as Hyuck lathers a generous amount of shampoo into Mark's hair. Mark enjoys the silence. It allows him to be at ease, his mind becoming as quiet as his surroundings. Donghyuck, however, finds this particular silence to be uncomfortable, and as he watches Mark relax into his hand while he massages the shampoo into his scalp, he asks Mark a question. "Is it really just schoolwork making you this stressed?" 

"Yeah," Mark answers, "I just had a rough day today." 

"Why do you lie to me, Mark?" Donghyuck whined and Mark's eyes shoot open, startled. "I'm sitting here washing your hair for you. Do you think you can't tell me what's really going on?" 

"I'm being honest with you!" Mark laughs at Donghyuck's serious demeanor. "I don't keep things from you." 

"I know that laugh means you're lying to me. That's why I know you were only pretending to be freaked out when I asked you to let me wash your hair." Donghyuck smirks. 

Mark starts fidgeting. "Um, that's not what I was-" 

"Whatever you say, Mark! I completely believe you! You would never hide anything from your favorite roommate-" 

"Only roommate." 

"-and best friend, Lee Donghyuck!" Hyuck dramatically proclaims as he rinses the shampoo from Mark's hair. 

"Who said anything about 'best friends', though?" Mark asks incredulously. 

Hyuck shrugs. "Come on. I know I'm your favorite person to be around." 

"That doesn't make you my best friend," Mark smirks. 

The only thing Donghyuck can do is let out that bright, beautiful laugh as he rubs conditioner into the ends of Mark's hair. "What's so funny?" Mark asks. 

"So, you admit it. I'm your favorite person." 

"I never said that." 

"You didn't have to." Donghyuck finishes rinsing out the conditioner and then turns off the showerhead. "I know you like me." 

Mark begins to panic. How the hell did Hyuck figure it out? It's not like Mark had told any of his friends about his feelings for Hyuck. It's not like Mark had said or done anything that would lead Hyuck to believe he liked him more than he would a roommate or a friend. But regardless of how he figured it out, what does it mean? What is Mark supposed to do, now that Donghyuck knows the huge secret that could potentially ruin their relationship, that Mark has been keeping for almost a year? Mark thinks only one thing can save him here, and that is denial. 

"Whaaat?" Mark starts to chuckle, and then immediately stops, remembering what Hyuck said about his nervous fake-laugh. Mark tries to maintain eye-contact with Donghyuck, but he can't without feeling emotional. "I'm sorry, Hyuck, but you just... you have the wrong idea." Mark reaches for a towel and starts drying his hair off, doing his best to cover his face. Mark wants to hide from the world. He feels like everything is crashing down around him. Anxiety starts polluting his mind, darkening the room around him, creating an increasingly loud, ceaseless white noise. Until, with a hand on his shoulder, it suddenly stops. 

"Mark." 

A warm glow blooms under Mark's chest, and the room is silent again. He is still scared. He is still uncertain. But Hyuck is still there. Mark is frozen solid, both hands holding the towel over his head, refusing to look at Donghyuck. Slowly, Hyuck pulls the towel behind Mark's head until it is resting around his neck. Hyuck gazes into Mark's eyes, giving a soft, reassuring smile as his hands gently hold the bottom of Mark's face. Mark's eyes are still wide with worry. "You're fine," Donghyuck reassures him. Mark's hands quickly find their way on top of Hyuck's, keeping them in place on his jaw as Hyuck's thumbs slowly stroke his cheeks.

It's a beautiful moment. For Mark, it is just like the first time he watched the sun rising over Donghyuck's beautiful face, the day he realized that he could stare at Donghyuck forever. An odd feeling blooms in his chest, a mixture of security, hope, and dread. Mark still can't find it in him to look Donghyuck in the eye, instead choosing to lower his head. Donghyuck sighs gently, leans forward, and presses a tender kiss onto Mark's forehead. 

Mark's face instantly flushes pink. His mind is racing with thoughts that are going so fast, he barely has time to understand what they are. He looks at Donghyuck, who is beaming that brilliant grin, so proud of himself for revealing the truth so easily. Mark feels paralyzed by Hyuck's smile until he realizes that this has now become a waiting game for Donghyuck. He is waiting to see what Mark does next. 

It's a struggle, but Mark eventually manages to slowly lean closer into Donghyuck. He closes his eyes and slowly touches his lips to Donghyuck's in a barely-there kiss that he is so afraid to mess up. Mark pulls away, still holding Donghyuck's hands to his face. He is so afraid, scared to break this small slice of Heaven the two have created. This moment is small and tender but it is far more than Mark could have ever asked for. 

Donghyuck smirks, almost as if to say, _'is that it?'_ and he pulls Mark's face closer to kiss him again. It's more present this time, more real, as Hyuck's plush lips move against Mark's. Mark cannot help the nervous laughter escaping his lips as he kisses back. Is this actually happening? Is Mark actually kissing the only person he's been able to think about for the past year? His heart races as he feels Donghyuck smiling into the kiss. Mark's hands find Donghyuck's face, and he pulls away just for a moment to hold Hyuck there in front of him. Mark looks at every detail on Donghyuck's face with so much wonder, so much adoration, that even Hyuck finds himself turning a rosy pink. Hyuck clears his throat and pulls Mark's hands off his face. "Knew it," Donghyuck smirked. 

Mark laughs and his heartbeat grows even louder. He shakes Donghyuck's shoulders and then pulls him into a warm hug. "What gave it away?" Mark whispers in a slightly concerned tone. 

"I just knew. You don't like making it obvious, but I know you care about me a lot. I think we're just connected, Mark. In that way that we can just get each other. Perfectly," Donghyuck smiles into Mark's chest as his fingers softly dance on the back of Mark's neck. Mark reaches for Hyuck's hand as goosebumps start to rise over the areas Donghyuck touches. He holds it tightly as he breaks the hug. 

"You think we're connected?" 

"In a way," Donghyuck thoughtfully rubs his chin, "but what really confirmed it was the fact that my contact name in your phone is just the sun emoji," Donghyuck gives that irritating smirk again as he backs away out of the bathroom. 

"What?!" Mark raises his voice, embarrassed, but still laughing. "What have you been looking at my phone for?!" Mark gives chase and grabs Hyuck by the waist in the hallway. 

"I also know you have my selfies saved to your camera roll," Donghyuck smiles and Mark pulls him closer, torn on scolding him or kissing him. He chooses the latter. If there is one thing Mark knows he will never get enough of, it's the way it feels to kiss the only boy that ever meant this much to him. 

* * *

In the night, Mark hears his bedroom door click open, and a soft voice speaks out his name. "Are you awake?" it continues. 

"Yeah," Mark lets out, and he hears Donghyuck approaching his bed. Mark reaches out for Donghyuck's hand and pulls down toward the bed. Mark makes room for him as Hyuck climbs into the bed, under the covers, and nestles himself closer into Mark's chest. Mark places a protective arm over Hyuck's body and holds him closer. They had never been this close before, and yet it felt like second nature to both of them. They lay together in silence until Mark has to ask: "What does this mean?" 

"Why does it have to mean anything?" Hyuck responds. 

"Well, it doesn't, I guess. But does it mean you have a crush on me too?" Mark feels embarrassed asking. 

"God, you're such an idiot," Donghyuck groans, and pushes Mark. "Why else would I have brought it up? Do you think I am that socially inept that I would confront you about your feelings for me and then kiss you if I did not also like you? We live together, Mark Lee." 

Mark shrugs and pulls Donghyuck back into his arms. "I don't know. You can be kind of a weird guy." 

"A weird guy?" 

"I know you like to mess with people sometimes. That's why I thought you did it, just because." 

"I did do it just because," Hyuck shoots back quickly. 

"Oh, yeah?" Mark challenges him. 

"Just because I love you," Donghyuck beams with pride at his affirmation. 

Mark belts out a laugh. "And you say that I'm the idiot," he cannot help but squeeze Donghyuck tighter as he laughs. 

Donghyuck's face heats up in embarrassment, and he is glad Mark cannot see the color in the darkness. "Shut up," Hyuck deadpans. 

Mark keeps laughing as he refuses to let go of Hyuck, who seems to be trying to break from Mark's grasp, but not trying hard enough. Mark incessantly presses small kisses into Donghyuck's neck between giggles, and Hyuck cannot help but smile and laugh along. 

"You're so embarrassing," Donghyuck laughs as he curls up into Mark. "Go to sleep," he says quietly. Mark settles down at Donghyuck's words, though fireworks are still setting themselves off inside his chest. 

"Goodnight," Mark whispers. Donghyuck echoes him. 

Mark finds it difficult to sleep. In the span of a few hours, his roommate has washed his hair, returned that warm, loving feeling that Mark has always felt for him, kissed him upwards of a thousand times (and it's still not enough) and crawled into bed with him to fall asleep in his arms. It's confusing, but it's welcome. It's scary but to Mark, whatever they have is worth taking a chance on. He wonders if he would have ever had the courage to let Donghyuck know how he felt, had Hyuck not come to that conclusion himself. 

"Hyuck?" Mark whispers. "Are you still awake?" 

No response. Donghyuck is sleeping soundly in Mark's arms. It's probably the earliest Donghyuck has gone to sleep in a while. It's probably the most comfortable he's ever slept in even longer. 

Mark tries to forget his question, instead deciding to focus on the rhythm of Donghyuck's breathing, subconsciously matching it to his own. Mark wonders what will happen tomorrow. He wonders how the night will end, and then finds it ends as it always does: as the day starts, as the sun rises, as the light hits Donghyuck's face and gives Mark the sweetest reason to open his eyes. 

**Author's Note:**

> pls be nice to me i haven't written fic in a really long time LMAO  
> i've also never posted on ao3 before so....... here we are i guess  
> anyway i actually found writing this very therapeutic and relaxing brb gonna go wash my hair  
> (yes i'm aware the title/start of the summary comes from a song about a heroin addiction but arent they such nice words on their own ? i think they are at least)  
> hope y'all like it :[


End file.
